Friday, December 26, 2008

Cross Stitch Horrors

[Cross stitch project that I am working on]


I came across this some time ago and thought it was just so funny until it happens to you that is, that I wanted to share it with you all. I have no idea who the author is, so here it goes:


CROSS STITCH HORRORS


Today I joined a cross stitch class
And though it may sound dumb
Where once my fingers used to be
I now possessed a thumb


I couldn't thread the needle
And this creates a 'hitch'
For without a threaded needle
You can't create a stitch


The instructor had to thread it
And though it sounds kind hearted
She muttered lots of muffled words
And hastily departed


She showed us how to make a stitch
And where we should begin
But the first stitch ended painfully
Beneath my tender skin


Well, I've never been heroic
And I believe one lady said
The screams that issued from my mouth
Would surely wake the dead


The class was in an uproar
As they crammed to take a peek
For my face was now a deathly white
And my legs were feeling weak


My finger was in tatters
I tried hard not to cry
But the gash looked like a canyon
There was a good chance that I'd die


The teacher yelled impatiently
What she said I'll never know
For I fainted in an instant
When the blood began to flow


The teacher phoned the ambulance
For the wound was very deep
But she said the blood-drenched patterns
Could now be mine to keep


As they placed me in the ambulance
She let out such a shriek
When I tried to reassure her
That I'd be back next week!